Police Report: Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine Assaulted in Alleged Carjacking

According to recent reports from the local police department, Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine was allegedly assaulted in a violent carjacking incident. The incident took place late last night in a secluded parking lot in the downtown area.

Witnesses say they saw a group of masked individuals approach Coristine’s vehicle and forcibly remove him from the driver’s seat. They then proceeded to beat him up before taking off in his car.

Coristine was found unconscious and bleeding by a passerby who called the police immediately. He was rushed to the hospital and is currently in stable condition.

The police are currently investigating the incident and are looking for any leads that could help them identify the perpetrators. They have also reached out to the public for any information that could assist in solving the case.

Coristine, also known as ‘Big Balls’ in the local community, is a well-known figure and his assault has shocked many. Friends and family have expressed their concern and are hoping for a speedy recovery.

The motive behind the carjacking is still unknown, and the police are working tirelessly to piece together the events leading up to the assault. They are urging anyone with information to come forward and help bring justice to Coristine.

This incident serves as a reminder of the dangers that lurk in the shadows, even in seemingly safe neighborhoods. It is important for everyone to remain vigilant and report any suspicious activity to the authorities.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to Edward ‘Big Balls’ Coristine during this difficult time. We hope for his swift recovery and for the perpetrators to be brought to justice.